Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Kids begin to rebel at different ages. It depends on the child as to when it happens and why it happens. Each child has a different personality. Although not every child will rebel, a majority do at some point in their teenage years. It is a sign that they are growing up and asserting their independence.
Here are some of the reasons kids rebel and what you can do about it:
Different Views
The children may find that their views on things differ from our views (parents). That is perfectly normal and should be allowed. Some parents encourage their children to have opinions of their own. It will help get them through life. It is also the force that makes them stick by their personal beliefs. In this particular case, parents really shouldn't do anything to discourage their kids. In fact, we should probably encourage our kids to believe in things that may not be the same as your views (you know the limit). This will lead your children into an adulthood that is satisfying for them.
As for me and Ummu Nafeesa, we like to debate (rather brainstorming) on any issues with our kids. The fact that all of our kids are debaters (even the small one wished to become a debater after watching her brothers & Nafeesa debated at competitions), it's not an easy task. If you think your ideas are better off, then you should convince them with better rationales & hujjah.
Peer Pressure
Peer pressures can be very responsible for your children's rebellion. Teenager are particularly susceptible to these issues. Teenagers want to feel like a part of the group. In order to do this, they often find themselves in positions that they don't particularly care for but follow anyway. It is about making friends. The best thing to do in this situation is to remind your child that his/her independence is more important than following the crowd. If his/her friends require that he/she do something that is out of character, they aren't really friends to start with. The only way to avoid this is to instill these thoughts into the minds of your children long before puberty hits. If your child is an independent thinker from the start, he/she is less likely to fall into this trap.
Please refer to my earlier postings on Ask your Brain and Inner Speech.
Rebellion is a way for kids to feel as though they are the ones in control. All of their lives have been spent listening to what other people tell them to do. They already know the consequences, but at some point, they must try it anyway. That is because even when it is a bad choice, they feel in control of the situation they are in. That makes them feel better and independent from their parents. This type of rebellion can be stopped by following the guide on different views. Your child should be allowed to have different views throughout his/her life. If that hasn't been the case, he/she is more likely to look for ways to control their own lives. The more you fight it, the more they do it. Prevention is the true key to rebellion.
If you give your children no reason to rebel, it won't happen. Giving your children a solid background from the start is the best way to stop it from happening. Rebellion can be very dangerous. Allow your child to have some say in his/her own life along the way. This will make your children feel more comfortable in making good decisions as they grow older. Rebellion happens because parents don't listen to what their children are saying. When this happens, the child screams out in anyway he/she can. Don't try to control every aspect of your child's life and you will avoid the issue of rebellion altogether.
In a hadith riwayat Ibnu Majah, the prophet (SAW) reminded us (the meaning of): Pay proper respect to your child and beautify his/her etiquette (adab).

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